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How to disagree with your client without being disrespectful

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As much you need a "small ego and big mission"!


When working in architecture, client relationships are foundational to creating designs that truly resonate. Much like in any profession, disagreements can arise, but it's crucial to approach these moments with respect and understanding. Architecture, by its nature, is a collaboration—a dialogue between the designer and the client. While differing opinions are inevitable, it’s possible to engage in productive, respectful conversations that focus on both design goals and personal values.


Similar to any disagreement, the key to navigating challenges with clients is first understanding your own perspective. Before jumping into a conversation, take a moment to ask yourself: What am I trying to accomplish? Is it to create a space that truly reflects the client’s needs, or am I pushing my own vision too hard? Once you recognize your motivations, it becomes easier to approach the conversation from a place of collaboration instead of conflict.

Clients may feel emotionally attached to their vision for their space, and it’s essential to acknowledge their needs, desires, and concerns. Even if you disagree with their approach, remember that behind each idea is a person with a unique perspective. They may have different priorities, but that doesn’t diminish their value as collaborators. By respecting their views and explaining your own design rationale with empathy, you show that you value the relationship and their input.


Much like the “small ego, big mission” mindset, in architecture, the project’s success often outweighs individual ideas. The goal is not to impose your vision but to work together toward creating something meaningful. When you shift your mindset from defending your own ideas to working toward a shared goal, it opens up the conversation and fosters mutual respect.

Being mindful of how you present your thoughts is also key. If you’re coming from a place of personal frustration or stress, this can cloud your judgment and turn a disagreement into a personal attack. Just as one would avoid speaking from a place of hurt, in architecture, it’s important to communicate clearly and constructively, ensuring your words contribute to the discussion, not to the discord.


One effective way to maintain respect during challenging discussions is to follow agreed-upon “rules of engagement.” These can include setting expectations for the conversation—such as focusing on understanding, using respectful language, and remaining open-minded to alternative ideas. When disagreements occur, approach them with an attitude of curiosity rather than confrontation. You might say, “I understand where you’re coming from, and I appreciate your perspective. Here’s how I see it differently…” This simple approach sets a tone of mutual respect and problem-solving.

Ultimately, architecture is about more than just design; it’s about connection—between the designer and the client, the project and its purpose, and even the individual and the community the space will serve. “Agreeing to disagree” might sometimes be necessary, but as long as the focus remains on the shared goal—creating something meaningful—disagreements don’t need to create division. By respecting differing opinions and maintaining a collaborative spirit, you can turn challenging moments into opportunities for growth and creativity.

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